Category Archives: Humor

The iPhone Wars, Day 121

120 days later and I figured it was time for an update on the war. First: I still hate this thing. Somewhere along the way with one of the iOS updates, the battery life started going to crap, even when I’m barely using the device. When I use it as a personal hotspot, I can […]

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The iPhone Wars, Day 1

Part of the fun of settling into a new job is the new tools. In this trade, that’s the laptop and the cell phone. Now, I already have a perfectly good laptop and cell phone, so I probably could have just gone on using those, but where so much of what I do is from […]

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A Keenly Stupid Way To Lock Yourself Out of Windows 8

Ready for this amazing, life-changing technique? Lets go! Take a domain-joined Windows 8 computer. Logon as domain user 1. Notice that the computer name is a generic name and decide to rename it. Don’t reboot yet, because you have other tasks you want to do first. Switch users to domain user 2. Perform more tasks. […]

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Let’s Test It!

I’ve been studying karate for nearly five years now, and I don’t think I’ve shared this story before. When we’re sparring, students are required to wear the appropriate protective gear. No head shots, for example, if you’re not wearing head protection. For males, a sports cup is mandatory, for reasons that probably don’t require elaboration. When I was […]

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Offered without comment or context

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North Pole data leakage woes

Not even old Saint Nick is immune from the need for a good data management and protection regime. First, we have confirmation that his naughty and nice database has been hacked. Now, there are credible rumors that the North Pole CIO has been covering up a years-long, systemic problem with Santa losing mobile devices. According […]

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Three observations, two confessions, and an apology

Observation The First: only paying a touch over $2/gallon for gas feels positively sinful. Observation The Second: one way to survive Seattle winters is to occasionally say “screw it”, roll the window down in the car, and let the cold wet air in while pretending it’s an 80-degree summer day with blue skies. Observation The […]

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WTF? FTW!

On my drive into work this morning, one of the local radio stations played “November Rain” (Guns n Roses) “Rock Me Amadeus” (Falco) back to back. That’s some serious musical whiplash. That’s like having bacon-caramel pie. I like bacon, and I like caramel, but not together.

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The Euphemism Lexicon

Over time, any group of people and friends starts to develop its own set of euphemisms and textual substitutions. Here are some of ours. home friendship appliance — a sex toy. I forget where we ran across this one — somebody in the blogosphere was saying it sounded like a fine example of Japanese-produced English […]

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Dear iPod

Dear iPod, Over the years that I’ve had you (as your second owner), we’ve had our rocky times. You’ve worked well with both my Windows and Mac workstations — that’s a plus. Your battery life is damn near useless (and I understand that’s not really your fault), but with the appropriate adapter therapy we’ve been […]

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Geeks will get this. The rest of you — not so much.

All Hell is breaking loose in the Seattle area today because it’s snowing. Hello, people. We get a lot of rain here. This is the Pacific Northwest. There are real, honest-to-goodness volcanic mountains here (remember that lovely “view” thing you keep talking about to jack up your real estate?). Part of this means that during […]

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My son, the alien

We found out today that Alaric has a second set of armpits. No, it’s true. You and I would call them “elbow joints” but in Alaric’s world, they’re “second armpits.” Bet you didn’t know that.

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Interesting definitions

The speaker just said, and I quote, “regular expressions, which are fairly straightforward.” That’s, um, well, interesting. And wrong.

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So true…

…so very, very true.

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Smart kid

Alaric has a few close female friends at school. In fact, he’s got so many we were slightly teasing him tonight about his harem. Then we had to explain to him what a harem was and assure him that we were not in fact accusing him of having multiple (or even one) sex slaves. Then […]

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Arvin Clone!!!

I’m down at the Seattle Convention Center today for day one of a four-day training conference I’m attending for work. One of the gentlemen in the registration line behind me looks just like Arvin Sloane (a character from the TV show Alias, for those who don’t get the name). I’m keeping a close eye out […]

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I’ll check that out right away

I buy and read more than a few technical books. Big shock, I know, but what can you do? I have a local bookstore I like to visit, but I’ll often use Amazon as well when I’m not in a tearing hurry to get a particular book in my hands. One of Amazon’s value-added features […]

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Only in Seattle

Stephanie told me about this posting on Craig’s List Seattle. I didn’t believe her that it was real, so I had to go find it for myself. Posting here because who knows how long the entry will be active, and I want this sucker immortalized. Live in infamy forever, thanks to the power of the […]

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An amusing typo

I just discovered an amusing typo in a technical document. Instead of a section on prerequisites, it has a section on perquisites. Okay, so it’s not earth-shaking, but I got a much-needed chuckle. Now off to brew a pot of peppermint herbal tea to share with my office mate. 

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Makes you think

Actual conversation I just had with an actual, live co-worker: Co-worker: Think of a million monkeys with typewriters. Devin: <pause> … why do I want to think about Harry Potter slashfic, again?

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Brainlet: Is Peter Jackson poison or venom?

I was reviewing the difference between venom and poison with Alaric and Treanna earlier: Me: Okay, so if you got stung by a bee, is that venom or poison?Treanna: Venom!Me: Right! If you got bit by a snake?Alaric: Venom!Me: Very good! What if you drank a jar of formaldehyde?Treanna: Poison!Me: What about eating toadstools?Alaric: Poison!Me: […]

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Late night with Devin

Devin’s First Net Adage:You can lead a geek to a hyperlink, but you can’t make him click it. Addendum:Unless, of course, he’s using Internet Explorer.

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Brainlet: Lenten Discipline

I gave up dryer sheets for Lent.

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Brainlet: Artist Matchup!

[Editor's note: this Artist Matchup is inspired by a bit of a phone conversation between Steph, our friend Andrew, and me.] Announcer: Tonight, on Artist Matchup: Escher vs. Picasso! Announcer: In this corner, the mathematically brilliant and recursive M. C. Esher! Announcer: And in this…corner…noted cubist, Pablo Picasso! Escher: Hey, Picasso, pull yourself together! Picasso: […]

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…and now I know. Right. Thanks.

Thanks to Ken Burnside of Ad Astra Games and the magic of the Pyramid chat, I now know this special bit of ferret lore: AdAstraGames says, “In general the number of excess ferrets in the household goes up at the square of the number of actual ferrets in the house.  Thus, one ferret is one too […]

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Brainlet: Random X Table

  Introducing a new category of my blog: Brainlets. After all, my brain is scary, and I need to share that with you. Besides, Steph has been threatening to hurt me if I don’t start keeping a blog of all the random weird shit I come up with and use to make her laugh. So, […]

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